MSTF 6: The Musical
The Annotated Script

Opening Skit

                           MSTF 6: THE MUSICAL
                                OTFCC 2003
                            CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

              Annotations by Philip N. Zeman and the MSTF Staff


 - SCREEN FADE TO BLACK -

(Each paragraph is on its own "page" in white text on solid black. Think
the very opening of "Dogma")

The opinions expressed in this presentation are not necessarily those of
3H Productions, LLC. or Hasbro Inc, who claim no responsibility for its
content.

Though to be honest, the opinions expressed in this presentation are
probably not too far off from 3H's opinions, and Hasbro probably doesn't
care.

In fact, we're willing to bet that the opinions here are pretty close to
the opinions of most of the people in this room right now.

We mean, you all KNOW this is a presentation devoted to taking stuff that
takes itself WAY too seriously and making it less so, right?

Right?

And we hope that you're all rational and mature enough to realize this is
all done in harmless jest, and not get offended because we happen to be
making fun of something you like. We're making fun of things we like too.
We're making fun of ourselves, and not even getting PAID for it. Just
because we don't believe in sacred cows doesn't mean there's any malice
behind this.

Okay, maybe a little malice. "Aerial Assault" is the kind of episode you
want to slap once or twice, really hard.

Where were we?

Uhhh...

Aw, crap. Just start the stupid thing.

- OPENING TITLES -
        - "Evil Plans of Planet Spectra" by Man Or Astro-Man?

***************************************************************************
OPENING SKIT: SPEND
***************************************************************************

 - PAUSE TAPE, LIGHTS UP -

(Music played by Phil on keyboards begins... it's "Dare" from the TF Movie
soundtrack. But the words are different. Sipher begins to sing, with Phil
and Doug providing backings where appropriate...)

Sometime in the year 2003
Deep in Chicago
To a Transformers' con you're goin'
What your parents think has never mattered
Nor friends who said you were lame
The fire in your wallet is growin'!

You can buy clear red T-AI from Fumihiko and crew
Why not some DiCola CDs, too?

SPEND! This is what you've been saving for
You can hold Grand Max in your hands!
SPEND! Get out there on the dealer floor
Toys from foreign lands
Can be yours if you SPEND!

Everybody's trying to take your money
And leave you with crap
Like the latest from WebDiver
Wait a sec, you thought you had more moolah
You thought you had a hundred
Guess that was a fifty, not a fiver!

Out of the hotel you go to the ATM
Looks like ramen for a month again!

SPEND! Who cares if your bills are overdue!
You gotta have all those PVCs!
SPEND! Although your home loan won't go through!
Buy junk from overseas
To get the chase you must SPEND!

(spoken)
Okay, so I got two of each of the convention-exclusive toys, because you
HAVE to keep one in the box because they're gonna be hyper-valuable one
day, right? So there's that, and I just found out that the British release
of Transmetal 2 Megatron's red chrome is a tiny fraction more towards
"cherry red" than either the US and Japanese versions that I already own,
so I HAVE to buy that! So sixteen Brazilian Minibots, a Ghost Starscream
and one Action Master Elite later, I'm back at my room with all my new
toys. A few thousand down, no love in my life, but I just gotta get back
out there and...
(back to singing...)

SPEND! Dammit you must own Takotank!
Toys are your one true love in life!
SPEND! Transmetal Arcee might break the bank
But she's the closest you'll have to a real wife!

SPEND! So you own thirteen Scorponoks!
You just gotta prove you're a real fan!
SPEND! A Benjamin for Rally's Rhinox
Say "hi" for me to the repo man!

(slows down dramatically)

Spend, but before you go blow your wad
Stay here and join the misery
Sit, and watch "Cosmic Rust", oh God...
Watch the mockery...
Then get the hell out there and SPEND!

OFFSTAGE: LIGHTS!!

[At the actual performance, Vince DiCola agreed to play backup keyboards
with Phil playing main piano.  Phil didn't know about this until the night
before it happened....

Also, it became apparent that this song was out of Sipher's range, even in
a lower key, so Doug filled in on backups and then main vocals for some
portions.]

 - LIGHTS DOWN, UNPAUSE TAPE -

 - "NOW LOADING" BUMPER #1 -

Drink ARCEE COLA
        "Foresee the death of your thirst!"


Bumper #1, by Greg "M Sipher" Sepelak

Full Script
Opening Skit Episode 1 Second Skit Episode 2
Third Skit Episode 3 Fourth Skit Episode 4
Closing Skit and Credits Bonus: Full "Armada Toyline" Lyrics
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