MSTF 6: The Musical
The Annotated Script

Second Skit

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SKIT TWO: HASBRO'S NEW DESIGNER
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(Sipher holds up a sign reading "HASBRO'S EXECUTIVE OFFICE". Phil is off to
 one side.)

DOUG: Well, I suppose we had better get this over with. Sipher, send him
        in, will you?

SIPHER: M Sipher.

DOUG: Shut up.

(Sipher brings Phil in, who sits down opposite Doug and Phil)

DOUG: Now as you know, this is your annual review. We hired you to design
        new toys for our highly successful Transformers toy line.

PHIL: Yes, and thank you.

DOUG: Ahuh. Now, let's look at one of your first designs... the
        BladeMasters.

PHIL: Yes. Well, I thought that since ninjas are always popular with
        kids, that Transformers with pop-up swords and the like would be a
        good seller.

DOUG: Yes, that's all well and good, but your foamcore prototype used a
        REAL knife blade.

PHIL: That was just a working sample.

DOUG: All your design notes CALL for real knife blades. This one in
        particular... (shuffles through some papers)... says "Make sure this
        blade is as dull and rusty as possible."

PHIL: Well, kids like realism.

DOUG: And parents DON'T like having to send their children to the hospital
        for knife wounds and tetanus shots! Isn't that right, Sipher?

SIPHER: M Sipher.

DOUG: Shut up. Now moving on... there's this design idea of yours... the
        "TRANS-Formers".

(Doug holds up what is clearly a Barbie doll or some cheap equivalent.)

DOUG: I'll skip the obvious problems and just point out that we don't even
        HAVE the rights to use John Lithgow's likeness!

PHIL: That was just a suggestion. We could use Kurt Russell's likeness,
        perhaps.

DOUG: It doesn't MATTER whose likeness it is! We can't make this! What in
        the hell possessed you to design a toy that... (warily looks under
        the doll's skirt) URGH!

PHIL: Well, you said that we were looking at ways of expanding the brand
        name into new areas...

DOUG: It's this toy's "area" that worries me! We simply cannot... (looks
        at the doll again, audibly shudders, and throws it away) NO!

PHIL: I do have other design ideas, sir.

DOUG: Oh, you certainly do. (ruffles through some pages) Here's a gem...
	"Nerf Chainsaw"..."Ball Of Crap"..."Poisonous Ball of Crap"...
	"Graverobber Roy"..."Connect Pi"..."Eneman"..."ENEMAN"?

PHIL: I thought we could cross-brand it with Super Soa -

DOUG: NO. Just NO. Take a look at what other companies do. You do pay
	attention to our competitors, do you not?

PHIL: Oh, yeah, yeah. You mean like McDonald's and Sony.

DOUG: What? No! Other toy companies!

PHIL: Oh, yeah, right. I meant other toy companies. I pay attention to
	those all the time.

DOUG: All right. For the sake of argument, I'm going to believe you. Now,
	haven't you ever seen another company's product and thought it
	looked like a really fun toy? One that would really grab kids and
	their parents?

PHIL: I -

DOUG: And NOT with a robotic arm, wickedly festooned with a variety of
	cruel metal barbs.

PHIL: - oh.

DOUG: THINK, man! What did YOU like when YOU were a child?

PHIL: Hmm. Maybe I get it now. Like...

DOUG: Like?

PHIL: Like...we could do a building toy, those are popular...

DOUG: Right, right...

PHIL: Maybe...okay, I've got it. We make a series of bricks...

DOUG: Okay...

PHIL: They use a series of pegs and holes to connect together, and you
	can build all kinds of stuff...

DOUG: I like it so far...

PHIL: We could make Star Wars sets...and Harry Potter sets...

DOUG: ...uh-huh.

PHIL: Or hey!  Even robots that still transform!

DOUG: Sayyy...

PHIL: BUILDing those would RULE!

DOUG: I like it!

PHIL: We'll call it "LEGO"!

DOUG: *facepalm*

PHIL: (off in his own little world) And we could do some kind of game
	revolving around tops that transform into dragons! And all kinds of
	little diecast cars, with one of those popular names like "Hot
	Wheels" or "Matchbox"! Oh, and my daughter just loves those "Beanie
	Baby" animals. And there's this whole "Gundam" fad...

DOUG: We can't make a toyline called "Gundam"! Do you have any idea how
	illegal that is?

PHIL: What about "Madnug"? We could package them facing away from the
	consumer to disguise their identities.

DOUG: No. No. Forget what other companies are doing. Let's go back to your
	brainstorming session. Haven't you got ANY good ideas?

(Phil holds up a picture of the original gun Megatron.)

(Sipher slaps Phil.)

OFFSTAGE: LIGHTS!!

 - LIGHTS DOWN, UNPAUSE TAPE -

 - "NOW LOADING" BUMPER #2 -

PIE -- It's what's for dessert.

Bumper #2, by David Willis

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