MSTF 6: The Musical
The Annotated Script

Third Skit

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SKIT THREE: INFLICTING THE SAME PAIN IN NEW WAYS
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PHIL: Y'know, it's a shame that we showed "The Touch" video last time
we were all together.

DOUG: You mean last night after the dinner?

PHIL: ... no, I mean last time we were all here doing this MSTF thing.
I mean, "The Touch" video would fit in so well with what we're doing.

SIPHER: Last time I checked, we weren't trying to scare young children.
Old children and adults, yes.

DOUG: I think Phil means the whole music thing.

PHIL: Well, yeah, there's that, but I'm also thinking that it's always
nice to remember our roots, with "Transformers: The --"

SIPHER:  SHHHHHH!

PHIL: -- what?

DOUG: You can't say that!

PHIL: Say what?  "Transformers: The --"

DOUG: Geez!  Keep quiet; do you want to get us in trouble?

SIPHER: You can't say the name of the animated movie.

PHIL: What is this --  Shakespeare and the Scottish play?

DOUG: Remember the OTFCC ad?  Vince DiCola is here since he was the
"animated movie composer".

PHIL:  Oh, right.  Got it.  As I was saying -- it's always nice to remember
our roots with (rolls eyes) "the animated movie".

SIPHER: I don't know about you, but I don't want to remember anything
about the movie.

DOUG: What about your roots?

SIPHER: No, I just dyed my hair last week.

(Pause for the groans... or silence, whatever.)

PHIL: Right.  Anyway, come on, I'm sure you can recall lots of things
about the movie.

SIPHER: Too many.

DOUG: You know, you're probably right.

VOICE FROM AUDIENCE: So why don't you recite the movie?

PHIL: What's that?

VOICE: Recite the entire movie!

SIPHER: (horrified look) You must be joking.  They tried that last year,
and it was disasterous.

DOUG: Besides, that's not much of a challenge for us professionals.

PHIL: We're professionals?

VOICE FROM AUDIENCE 2: So recite lines in alphabetical order!

(Pause)

DOUG: Now I'm sure you're joking.

PHIL: Alphabetical order?

SIPHER: You must be mad, sir/madam/thing.

DOUG: Could it be done?

SIPHER: Only one way to find out.

PHIL: Call Ron Friedman?

SIPHER: No, we'll do it.

PHIL: I object.

SIPHER: It's my damn show, and I'll say you do it.

PHIL: Oh, fine.

DOUG: So, what do we have to do?

SIPHER: Well, it's obvious.  We have to recite the movie, where each
sentence starts with a consecutive letter of the alphabet.

DOUG: Do we have to act out the scenes?

SIPHER: (a bit bored) Why not.

PHIL: ...ssssay, this sounds a lot like "Who's Line Is --"

SIPHER: (panicked) Doug, will you shut him up?

DOUG: Phil, quiet or I'll be forced to shoot you again.

PHIL: I'll be good. (pause) Um, if we're going to do this, what letter
do we start with?

DOUG: "A", naturally.

PHIL: I call dibs on "A"!

SIPHER: (really bored) Fine, whatever, it's not like this is improv.

PHIL: (Kranix) "Arblus, look! It's Unicron!"

SIPHER: (Arblus) "Bugger!"

PHIL: (Kranix) "Could getting to the ships help us?"

SIPHER: (Arblus) "Darn it, no."


DOUG: (Ironhide) "Every time I look into a monitor, Prime, my circuits
   sizzle."

PHIL: (Optimus) "Forget that. Go to Autobot City."

DOUG: (Ironhide) "Great!"


PHIL: (Shockwave) "Here comes Laserbeak, Megatron."

SIPHER: (Megatron) "I'll kill all of the Autobots over there on the
shuttle!"

DOUG: (Brawn) "Just a flesh wound!" *grabs shoulder, dies*

SIPHER: (Megatron) "Kill kill kill kill" *shooting motions


DOUG: (Daniel) "Let's go watch the shuttle land, Hot Rod!"

SIPHER: (Hot Rod) "Mountains are good for watching shuttles land."

PHIL: (Random Decepticon) "Nyeah nyeah nyeah!"

DOUG: (Daniel) "Oh no! There's a hole in the shuttle!"

SIPHER: (Hot Rod) "Poop!"


PHIL: "Quick! We're running out of letters!"

DOUG: "Right! What should we do?"

PHIL: "Skip to the end!"


DOUG: (Rodimus) "Take this, Galvatron!" *throw-gesture*

SIPHER: (Kup) "U had potential, I knew." *greeted by looks of disgust*

DOUG: (Rodimus) "Vehicle modes! Roll out!"

PHIL: (Random "Driving" Autobot) "Wheeeeeeeee!"

DOUG: (Rodimus) "X-it through Unicron's eye!"

SIPHER: (Other Random "Driving" Autobot) "Yes! Destroy his other eye solely
   out of spite!"

DOUG: (Rodimus) "Zounds! The Civil War is over!"

(All three participants bow to wild applause from a handful, shocked looks
from the rest of the audience, most likely.)

PHIL: Well, that was fun.

SIPHER: If you say so.

DOUG: Y'know, we should try it again with a different letter, like, say, oh,
"L".  Siph, you start.

(Sipher gets ready to start, but before he does:)

OFFSTAGE: LIGHTS!!

SIPHER: Thank God.

PHIL: No, that was "T".....

[In the actual performance, the crew didn't have voices in the audience.  So
Phil adlibbed those lines himself.  Unfortunately, that also meant he had to
object to his own idea and make the reference to "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"
which was a bit awkward.

Also, at the end, the exchange went like this:

    (Sipher gets ready to start, but before he does:)

    SIPHER: LIGHTS!!

    PHIL: Thank God.

    DOUG: No, that was "T".....

    (Sipher then tripped on his way to shut off the lights.)

    SIPHER: Oh, sh*t!

    DOUG: No, that's an "O" and an "S".

Humor.  Ha.]

 - LIGHTS DOWN, UNPAUSE TAPE -

 - "NOW LOADING" BUMPER #3 -

Me Grimlock say: "HOOKED ON PHONICS work for Me Grimlock!"

Bumper #3, by David Willis

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