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MSTF 7: Generation Why?
The Annotated Script
Episode One
===========================================================================
BUMPER ONE : PREVENTING CONFUSION
Music - "Happiness Hotel" -- The Great Muppet Caper
===========================================================================
In the interests of preventing confusion about
the upcoming episode, we decided we should
clarify the various uses of the term 'Go-Bots'
over time.
1. Tonka GoBots
2. G2 Gobots
3. g2 Go-BoTs
4. Gfadgfadgfad
We don't know how anyone could be confused
by all this.
But now you know.
[mstf]
[All the bumpers were also done in the style of Adult Swim, down to the
[mstf] in the corner. Phil was able to get the font that is purportedly
used by Cartoon Network, so it was almost like we were watching Adult
Swim itself. It's kind of hard to replicate the bumpers in pure text,
though....]
***************************************************************************
EPISODE ONE : GO-BOTS - TYPHOON TWISTER / ARCTIC OIL SPILL
***************************************************************************
("GO-BOTS" logo appears)
ALL: MIIIIGHTY ROOO... (peter out)
[The slogan of the original Tonka Go-Bots toys, taken from the "Machine Man"
commercial. Machine Robo, the Bandai toyline that the Go-Bots came from,
was originally released as "Machine Man" in the US. So it's a dual
reference.]
ANNOUNCER: Since the dawn of time, the city of Botropolis...
DOUG: Was infected with Cosmic Rust.
SIPHER: Teletraan's making crap up again, great.
[A dual reference. This line is similar to a line from the G1 episode
"Cosmic Rust":
TELETRAAN-1: At the dawn of time, there was a thriving Autobot
civilization.
Secondly, for MSTF 6 in 2003, we spoofed "Cosmic Rust" and wrote a joke that
T-1 was just making things up.]
(Shot of the Botropolis council in a big arena)
ANNOUNCER: Each year, the council selects a team of Go-Bots to
protect and serve the planet which needs the most.
PHIL: The most WHAT? Pudding?
ANNOUNCER: This time, that planet is Earth.
SIPHER: And once the year is over, screw 'em.
ANNOUNCER: They chose the very best, in Aero-Bot!
(Close-up of Aero-Bot)
DOUG: The remaining choices were unavoidably disappointing.
ANNOUNCER: The fastest, in Speed-Bot! The strongest, in Strong-Bot!
PHIL: The ginchiest, in Ginch-Bot!
SIPHER: Huh?
ANNOUNCER: And the most clever, in Buzzer-Bot!
SIPHER: (Makes the Waspinator "Ooooo!" noise)
[Buzzer-Bot has more than just a passing resemblance to Waspinator from
"Beast Wars". There's even a second Buzzer-Bot toy that becomes a
motorcycle... and in Beast Machines, Waspinator's spark (soul) is used to
power the motorcycle Vehicon Thrust.]
(Theme song starts, kinda rappy)
"Sent to Earth from a world far away, Go-Bots save to day!
"GO-GO-GO-BOTS!"
ALL: (singing) GO GO GOPHERS WATCH THEM GO GO GO.
[Theme song from a Jay Ward ("Rocky & Bullwinkle") cartoon. Two American
Indian (stereotype) gophers hold out against the Teddy Roosevelt-esque
Colonel and his ever-patient Southern Sergeant.]
"A robot is what you see, but that's not that all it can be!
"GO-GO-GO-BOTS!"
"Aero-Bot, Beast-Bot, and Speed-Bot go!
"They only change when you say so!"
DOUG: They're a big bad battlin' dudicus!
[Some G2 toy commercials included rap songs; for the Combaticons, they used
this line to make a rhyme for "Bruticus." Yes, it was painful.]
"1-2-3, got the power to change!"
"GO-GO-GO-BOTS!"
(Logo comes up again)
PHIL: Brought to you by Fiber-Con.
(Title comes up: TYPHOON TWISTER)
SIPHER: Hey, like we did last summer!
[Chubby Checker's song "Let's Twist Again"]
(A warp-gate-thingy appears over the ocean)
PHIL: Oh, crap, it's "Sliders".
[The late 1990's "Sliders" TV show featured characters that warped
dimensions by "sliding" through a wormhole.]
(Silver-Bot comes through the gate, flying through the air)
SILVER-BOT: HA! This place looks FUN!
DOUG: I've been bored since THE DAWN OF TIME.
[Mocking the announcer at the beginning of this episode. It won't be the
last.]
(Silver-Bot lands on a giant pearl, on top of an ornamental tower-
thing. He's animated to be laughing, but there's no voice.)
SIPHER: (Goofball Mo-Ron noise)
(Shot of kids playing on the beach. They look up, as does everyone
else... pointing and babbling)
SIPHER: (announcer voice) Just when you thought it was safe to stay... out
of the water...
[A take off of the tag line for the movie "Jaws".]
(Silver-Bot goes into a nosedive, and splashes into the sea... about
ten feet from the shore.)
DOUG: CLUNK.
PHIL: ARGH!
(Where Silver-Bot landed, a whirlpool forms, beginning to suck in
boats from a nearby pier)
(Aero-Bot transform transition)
(Go-Bots HQ)
SIPHER: (old-time radio drama announcer) Meanwhile, Aerobot Ness and is Go-
Botables...
["Elliot Ness and his team of Untouchables"]
("ALERT" pops up on a screen)
STRONG-BOT: Go-Bots! We got trouble!
PHIL: My bra broke!
[A very visual gag. Strong-Bot's vehicle-mode treads give him a very...
jutting chest.]
(Silver-Bot lands in the middle of some bungalos)
SILVER-BOT: I got a need for some speed!
DOUG: (junkie) Just a TASTE, man, you can't cut me off!
AERO-BOT: It's Silver-Bot! He's faster than the speed of sound. But
he doesn't know his own strength.
(Monitor shot of Silver-Bot lifting and hurling a giant boulder)
AERO-BOT: And until he controls those amazing powers, he'll keep
getting into all kinds of trouble he doesn't even mean to
cause!
SIPHER: Like innocently crushing fleeing humans with giant rocks....
AERO-BOT: Silver-Bot sure knows how to stir up trouble!
DOUG: Wait, he knows how to cause trouble he doesn't mean to cause?
SIPHER: I guess.
AERO-BOT: Beast-Bot, Buzzer-Bot, you two back us up from here!
(Aero, Speed and Strong-Bot run off)
BEAST-BOT: Go-mode systems check!
(Buzzer-Bot presses three different buttons, which light up red,
green and yellow)
BUZZER-BOT: All systems are GO! GO! And GO!
DOUG: Red means go. Yellow means go. Green means go.
(Aero, Speed & Strong rocket up the tubes)
ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!
(All three transform)
SIPHER: We'll just drive across the ocean, then! Thanks a load, Aero-Bot!
(At sea, a cruise liner is rocked by winds. The captain opens up the
hatch to the lower levels and passengers rush in.)
CAPTAIN: There's nothing to worry about! My crew will steer the ship
out of this wind in no time!
PHIL: How do you steer OUT OF a hurricane?
SIPHER: It's one of those REALLY FAST cruise liners.
(Aero-Bot flies overhead)
AERO-BOT: Go! Dig an underground shelter for the humans! Silver-Bot's
hurricane is headed directly for the islands! GO GO-
DOUG: GADGET AR- oh, sorry.
[From the "Inspector Gadget" cartoon. The main character would activate his
tools/gadgets by saying "Go Go Gadget"-Whatever.
We assume it was the same in the movie, but no-one on staff will admit to
watching it.]
STRONG-BOT: I'll dig the shelter!
SPEED-BOT: I'll round up the tourists as fast as I can!
SIPHER: Just offer them a $5.99 buffet and watch them come a-running.
(Silver-Bot swoops by Aero-Bot)
SILVER-BOT: Hey, Aero-Bot! Try and keep up with me! Here's a new move
I made up! But you have to fly real fast to do it!
(Silver-Bot dives into the ocean again right by the cruise liner)
DOUG: I call it the "Plunge Screaming and Die".
(Silver-Bot resurfaces, this time dragging the liner by the anchor
chain)
SILVER-BOT: Come ON, Aero-Bot! Let's race THROUGH that hurricane! Bet
I can beat you towing this heavy ship!
SIPHER: What?!
PHIL: With a "P". SHIP.
SIPHER: Oh. Whew.
(Aero-Bot swoops and breaks the anchor chain with his wing, sending
Silver-Bot spinning out of control and into a cliff face.)
DOUG: Oh great, now he's going to have chipped chrome.
[Chrome on toys has a tendancy to chip and flake rather easily. Later
versions of Aero-Bot and Silver-Bot were chromed.]
(At GBHQ)
BUZZER-BOT: Is he gonna be okay?
SIPHER: Please say no please say no please say no...
(Aero-Bot swoops around again, and Silver-Bot picks himself up off
the beach)
PHIL: He looks like he's wearing a yarmulke.
[A yarmulke (pronounced "YAH-mah-kah") is a skullcap worn by people of
Jewish faith. And the animation does make it look like he's wearing one.
Doug was amused that he wasn't the one given that line.]
SILVER-BOT: Come on, let's ZOOOOM!
DOUG: Oh, I loved that show growing up!
SIPHER: (singing) Come on and Zoom-zoom zoomazoom...
[Children's show from the '70s, originating on Public Television station
WGBH in Boston, Mass. Oh-two-one-three-fooour!]
(Aero-Bot dives in and grabs the anchor chain, towing the liner to
the island where Strong-Bot waits... through very shallow
water)
SIPHER: I'll just wreck the ship in this shallow reef here...
(Aero-Bot connects the chain to Strong-Bot, in bulldozer mode)
AERO-BOT: Power-tow the ship to safety, Strong-Bot!
STRONG-BOT: Can do, Aero-Bot!
PHIL: I'm glad they prevented the ship from being wrecked in the hurricane
by DRAGGING IT ACROSS AND ISLAND.
SILVER-BOT: Let's find out who's the best, Aero-Bot! It's time for a
Bot Challenge,
DOUG: Oh man, it IS Challenge of the Go-Bots!
[Again, from the old cartoon.]
BUZZER-BOT: Don't do it, Aero-Bot!
BEAST-BOT: The hurricane's only minutes away!
PHIL: We all know how those can strike without warning!
(Silver and Aero-Bot fly off... and a scene transition pops up with
Speed-Bot transforming to car mode)
SIPHER: Gah! What the hell was that?
(On the island, a bunch of busses are chained together)
MAN: That's the last one! Move 'em to safety, Speed-Bot!
(Speed-Bot transforms into his dragster mode)
PHIL: Yeah, the dragster IS a renowned heavy towing vehicle.
(He pulls the chain of busses away)
DOUG: These are the special busses that don't run under their own power, I
guess.
(Scene transition with Beast-Bot transforming)
SIPHER: GAH! Again!
SILVER-BOT: We race to the Island Pearl Resort! Whoever gets there
first has to lift the giant pearl from the roof, and carry it
all the way back here!
DOUG: All the way back to vaguely somewhere over the ocean. Okay.
(Silver-Bot dives in, breaking palm trees with his wings)
SIPHER: (singing) Geor-Geor-George. Watch out for that tree-ee.
[Theme song for the "George of the Jungle" cartoon. And movie. And a
version performed by "Weird Al" Yankovic. Sipher, however, sang it to the
tune of the "Go-Bots" theme song. The current "Go-Bots", not the old ones.]
AERO-BOT: (snarling) That bot's gotta go! GO-GO-GO-BOTS!
(Aero-Bot dives in fast in jet mode, swooping past Silver-Bot. A shot
back at HQ, where Beast-Bot, Buzzer-Bot, Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot
are cheering and waving)
ALL: PACKERS!!! WOOOO!!!
[From "Mystery Science Theatre 3000"'s send-up of "The Giant Spider
Invasion", which takes place somewhere in Wisconsin. Anytime a group of
enthusiastic people were shown on screen, the MST guys would start up
cheers for the Green Bay Packers.]
(Aero-Bot lands at the tower with the pearl inside a large
clamshell... but we then get a close-up shot of Silver-Bot
lifting the pearl)
ALL: (confused remarks)
(It's Aero-Bot lifting the pearl again)
DOUG: AAA! HE'S A SHAPE-SHIFT- wait.
[He's able to transform; ergo, he's already a shape-shifter.]
(Silver-Bot flies up and tries to grab the pearl from Aero-Bot. Aero-
Bot shoves backwards, and Silver-Bot lands in the clamshell,
which closes shut)
SIPHER: (Nelson laugh) HA-HA!
(Silver-Bot bursts from the clamshell)
PHIL: Ha! It's BOT-icelli's "Birth of Silver-Bot!"
DOUG & SIPHER: (groan)
[Sandro Botticelli was a late 15th century Florentine artist; one of his
most famous works is "Birth of Venus", depicting the Greek goddess Venus
arriving from the ocean on a shell.]
(As a twister comes closer, the theme song plays!)
SONG: Go-Go-Go-Bots!
DOUG: (singing) Go-Go-Gomez! Morticia Wednesday Pugsly!
["The Addams Family" characters. Sung, again, to the "Go-Bots" theme song.]
SPEED-BOT: The hurricane is about to make landfall! How do I get
around this roadblock?
(A power line snaps and hits the ground, setting the broken tree
limbs blocking Speed-Bot's path on fire)
SIPHER: Those Enron bastards are lovin' THIS, I'm sure.
[Among the various scandals involving mega-mondo-thieving-sumbag-corporation
Enron, it was discovered through taped conversations that the higher-ups
were actually CHEERING ON the quasi-recent California wildfires as they
consumed power lines. More stuff they could charge for! We're not making
this up.]
AERO-BOT: Turn on your wipers, Speed-Bot!
DOUG: You need wiping!
PHIL & SIPHER: Eyyuuuuuuuuw.
(Aero-Bot hurls the pearl into the water by the road, causing a huge
splash that douses the fire. He then transforms to jet mode and
smashes the fallen trees)
SIPHER: He had to go to jet mode for that?
(As Speed-Bot tows the busses, the pearl floats by...)
PHIL: Wait, that was a cliff two seconds ago!
DOUG: And since when do pearls float?
SILVER-BOT: Looks like that pearl's mine now, Aero-Bot!
(Silver-Bot dives into the ocean, right next to the cruise ship
again!)
SIPHER: And when did that ship get back out to sea?! Are we unstuck in
time?!
[May have been an unconscious reference to "Slaughterhouse Five". We don't
know what was going through Sipher's mind. Which is a good thing, actually.]
(The typhoon approaches, and Silver-Bot surfaces right up the funnel,
holding the huge pearl)
BUZZER-BOT: Here comes the typhoon!
(Silver-Bot holds the pearl over his head with both arms)
PHIL: (singing, then screaming as the wind blows Silver-Bot away) Raise
your hand if you're SuuuuuuuAAAAAAAAAH!!!
[Old jingle for "Sure" brand deodorant. "Raise Your Hand if You're Sure!"]
(Silver-Bot is hurled around and around)
AERO-BOT: Speed-Bot! Get to the beach as fast as you can!
DOUG: The water is cold and the ladies are HOT!
SPEED-BOT: That's great work, Strong-Bot! Everyone should be safe in
this cave you made!
SIPHER: Just watch out for the Mole People, allright?
[Classic sci-fi B-movie about a subterranean civilization (led by Alan
Napier, a.k.a. Alfred from the 1960's "Batman" TV series) that keeps a race
of mole-like humanoids as slaves.]
(Silver-Bot is still being spun around)
PHIL: (singing) Throw-throw-throw up! I am going to throw up!
[Once again, sung to the "Go-Bots" theme.]
AERO-BOT: We can slow that twister down by going as fast as we can in
the opposite direction that funnel is spinning!
SIPHER: Sure you can.
(Speed-Bot and Aero-Bot start circling the funnel in vehicle modes)
ALL: (scream and yelp every time Speed-Bot seems to run into the camera)
(The twister dissipates and Aero-Bot grabs Silver-Bot, and the two
land near the cave)
DOUG: Both Silver-Bot AND physics have been vanquished!
PHIL & SIPHER: (bored) Yay.
SILVER-BOT: You... saved my life!
AERO-BOT: I hope you learned a lesson today, Silver-Bot.
SILVER-BOT: I did.
ALL: AAAAWWW.
SILVER-BOT: Being fast and powerful isn't all there is to being the
best Go-Bot in the universe.
AERO-BOT: It also takes intelligence. And caring. These humans NEED
us.
DOUG: To protect them from... us.
AERO-BOT: I hope you'll go back to Botropolis and train hard. Learn
to be a great Go-Bot Protector!
SILVER-BOT: I will train hard, Aero-Bot!
SIPHER: Then I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS.
(The crowd of humans cheer)
PHIL: Yay! Thanks for nearly killing us and doing millions in property
damage!
ALL: (cheer)
AERO-BOT: Wherever there is trouble, we'll be there!
ALL: CAUSING IT.
(The Go-Bots logo comes up again)
SONG: GO-GO-GO-BOTS!
ALL: (singing) BO-BO-BORING.
[Guess what this is sung to.]
(The screen goes black for a few seconds)
SIPHER: I'm blind!
(Go-Bots logo comes up over a snowfield)
SIPHER: Oh, whew.
(Title: ARCTIC OIL SPILL)
DOUG: I call no "Exxon Valdez" jokes.
[Captain Hazelwood crashed the Exxon Valdez oil tanker in the Arctic circle,
causing a huge oil spill.]
(Mototron appears and leaps off a cliff)
MOTOTRON: What a great place to chill out and have some FUN!
SIPHER: And find some Mini-Cons!
DOUG: Does the Botropolis Council just send these guys to give Aero-Bot
something to DO?
[Mototron is voiced by Don Brown who provided the voice for Cyclonus in
"Transformers: Armada", where the goal was to find Mini-Cons. In the
follow-up series, "Transformers: Energon", Cyclonus becomes Snow Cat.
Doug regrets not being able to sneak in a yodeling joke here, since
that's part of Snow Cat's schtick.]
(Mototron races through the snow, and runs through a bunch of fishing
shacks on a frozen lake, knocking them over)
SIPHER: (hick announcer) He's headed for the porta-potties!
[A verbatim line from one of the earliest, if not the earliest, "Beavis and
Butthead" animated shorts.]
MOTOTRON: I'm the king of speed! WATCH ME ROCK!
ALL: PACKERS!!!
[Again with the MST3K reference.]
(Mototron ramps into the air, landing on an oil pipeline, which
cracks and starts to spill oil)
SIPHER: How crude!
DOUG: BOO.
[Crude oil. Aren't we clever?]
(Go-Bots HQ)
AERO-BOT: Looks like we got trouble on the northern pipeline. Go-Zoom
to coordinates...
PHIL: "Go-Zoom"?
BUZZER-BOT: Let's run a backgound check in this busy-bot!
SPEED-BOT: I know this bot! His name is Mototron! We were in training
class back in Botropolis!
DOUG: Back at the DAWN OF TIME.
SIPHER: Thank you.
[See?]
SPEED-BOT: He's almost as fast as me, and he's very strong! But he
doesn't look before he leaps!
BUZZER-BOT: Well, from the buzz on this bot, my bet is he's gonna
give us big trouble!
PHIL: In Little China.
["Big Trouble in Little China", a cult classic 80's movie starring Kurt
Russell.]
AERO-BOT: Beast-Bot and Speed-Bot, get ready for a Go-Mission!
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot watch from behind a chair)
SIPHER: I guess every planet has their Spridle and Chim-Chim.
[Spridle and Chim-Chim were characters from "Speed Racer," one of the
earliest anime to be imported for U.S. viewing. They were forever getting
in trouble by stowing away in the trunk of the Mach 5, the racing car of
Spridle's big brother Speed. Oh -- Chim-Chim was a chimp.]
AERO-BOT: You two back us up from the Go-Pod! Go-Bots, to the Go-
Chutes!
DOUG: Could somebody get them a Go-Thesaurus, PLEASE?
STRONG-BOT: Go-Mode systems check!
BUZZER-BOT: All systems are GO! GO! and GO!
PHIL: Wake me up before you go-go, okay?
(Doug and Sipher proceed to beat Phil savagely)
[The old song by Wham.]
(On the surface, the Go-Chutes open up in a fairground)
SIPHER: Is that a merry-go-go-go-round?
PHIL: And you hit ME?!
(They all transform, Beast-Bot into gorilla mode)
DOUG: (singing) Monkey monkey monkey!
[Originally this may have been a reference to the Monkey Pit website, but
instead Doug sang the words to the Go-Bots theme. Either way works.]
BEAST-BOT: This place is a disaster!
DOUG: What's all this white crap everywhere?
AERO-BOT: Speed-Bot and Beast-Bot.
SIPHER: I'm Batman.
[Ah, the first "I'm Batman." reference, a #wiigii! in-joke. Keep count. The
genesis of this joke is kind of odd, really. It's a combination of Michael
Keaton's declaration of the same line (from the 1989 "Batman" movie) and the
rather amusing premise that one day Batman just started getting really,
REALLY insistant about telling everyone who he was. "Tim. Tim. Tim. I'm
Batman."
It needs to be pointed out that at the organizer's panel the next day, 3H
Productions' head Glen Hallit blurted out "I'm Batman" as well.]
AERO-BOT: I'll tow that tanker ship up here!
BEAST-BOT: And if I attach the gushing pipeline to the ship's holding
tanks...
SPEED-BOT: We can stop the oil until we fix the pipeline!
PHIL: So there's no need to activate a shutoff valve or anything.
DOUG: Don't be silly.
(All three transform, this time Beast-Bot transforms into his panther
mode.)
SIPHER: Wookit da widdle kitty-kitty!
(Shot of a mountain)
DOUG: They gonna light the signal of Gondor?
["The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" reference.]
AERO-BOT: Thank you for lending me your ship, Captain.
CAPTAIN: (in a semithick accent) I still don't see how you're gonna
get this huge tanker up that mountain, Aero-Bot!
SIPHER: Ma poor wee bairns kinna take anymoore!
[The Captain's Scottish, so we're referencing Scotty from "Star Trek," of
course.]
(Aero-Bot transforms and flies up, and the tanker moves. Aero-Bot
pulls the tanker up the side of the moutning on a chain)
PHIL: Oh yeah, THIS won't cause any ecological damage at all.
DOUG: He's just doing it to impress the chick-bots.
MOTOTRON: All right! Some bot who can give me a little competition!
(He peels out)
SIPHER: Squealing tires in SNOW. O-kay.
MOTOTRON: Howsabout you and me race to the other side of the
mountain? A REAL test of speed and skill?
AERO-BOT: I'm a little BUSY right now, Mototron!
MOTOTRON: Too busy, or too SCARED to show me what you got? Because
I'm the best bot EVER, you know!
DOUG: Since the DAWN OF TIME!
PHIL: Yes, we get it.
[And another one.]
(Mototron ramps agan, this time landing on the chain and snapping it)
PHIL: This series paid for by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Chains.
(The tanker slides down the hill.
AERO-BOT: Uh-oh! Better move fast!
(Close-up of the captain as the tanker slides)
SIPHER: Ah joost crapped me keelt!
[The accent on this line was even more ridiculous than the first, drawing
more laughs than expected. Then again, it was also a poop joke.]
(Aero-Bot rams into the tanker and hits full throttle, pushing it
back up the mountain. A crowd gathers and cheers.)
(Back up the mountain with Beast-Bot. The theme song plays again!)
SONG: Go-Go-Go-Bots!
SIPHER: (singing along) Co-co-co Puffs. I'm coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs!
[Do we need to annotate this singing again?]
BUZZER-BOT: Be on the lookout for Mototron! He's itching for a
competition and behaving reckless as ever!
SPEED-BOT: We'll keep our high-beams on the lookout for him, Buzzer-
Bot! Thanks for the tip!
DOUG: Yeah, remember that guy you were sent here to stop? Look out for him,
okay?
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot leap out of Speed-Bot's trunk)
PHIL: AGH OH MY GOD THEY'RE IN MY LEGS!
DOUG: HOW did he not notice them CRAWLING INSIDE HIM?
SPEED-BOT: Heh. Looks like they wanna help!
(The two stumble down a pipe, and grab the edge, leaving them
dangling over a cliff. Beast-Bot picks up the pipe.)
BEAST-BOT: Heh-heh. Looks like the end of the ride for you two!
SIPHER: (Beast-Bot) Time to die!
BEAST-BOT: Speed-Bot!
PHIL: I'm Batman.
[Number 2.]
BEAST-BOT: Tow as many pipes as you can, fast as you can! And keep
those two trouble-bots out of harm's way!
(Beast-Bot carries a large pipe away)
DOUG: I'm gonna go clobber Grimlock with this!
[A reference to Trailbreaker clocking Grimlock with a girder in the first
volume of Dreamwave's G1 comic series.]
(Mototron drives up and transforms)
MOTOTRON: I'm the fastest and strongest Go-Bot in the universe! Aero-
Bot didn't take my challenge; how about YOU, Speed-Bot? Think
you're fast enough to beat me?!
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot dance and cheer, presumably for Speed-Bot)
PHIL: All the Teletubbies were very happy.
[Ah, the Teletubbies. Very weird kid's show that featured characters that
spoke only gibberish.]
SPEED-BOT: We have a more important job right now, and you young bots
know what it is!
ALL: SELLING TOYS!
[Well, duh.]
SPEED-BOT: We have to protect the Earth and all the people Mototron
has put in danger today!
MOTOTRON: You're just afraid to take my challenge because you know
I'm better, faster, and stronger than you!
DOUG: And MORE ALIVE!
PHIL: What?
[Reference to the first G1 Action Masters commercial. "Who will join me?
Who will give up the power to transform to become stronger, faster -- more
alive?"]
(Mototron transforms to car mode, and drives into a mine shaft)
MOTOTRON: Last one to the other side of the mountain is a loser-bot!
SIPHER: OH GOD, NOT A LOSER-BOT!
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot run into the shaft after Mototron)
SPEED-BOT: No! Kid-Bot! Gas-Bot! Come back!
PHIL: That shaft is MINE!
SIPHER: Heheh, good one.
SONG: Go-Go-Go-Bots!
SIPHER: Mo-mo-money!
(Mototron drives through the mine shaft)
MOTOTRON: Can't catch me!
DOUG: I'm the Ginger-bot... bread... bot... damn.
[The old fairy tale.]
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot stumble, landing in a mine car, which then
rumbles down the tracks. Close-up of the two.)
PHIL: They better get Short-Round-Bot.
["Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" featured an exciting mine
cart chase. Short-Round, played by Key Quan, was a character in the
cart.]
SPEED-BOT: Time for some super-speed! Kid-Bot, Gas-Bot, hang on, I'm
coming!
SIPHER: So there's millions of gallons of oil sloshing all over the
wilderness, and Speed-Bot's off chasing these two clots.
(Mototron hits a support beam)
MOTOTRON: All Speed-Bot's gonna see of me are tail-lights and tire
tracks!
(The cave behind Mototron collapses. The rail cart the small bots are
in hits the rubble.)
PHIL: I bet they eat Gas-Bot first.
(The cave behind them crumbles too.)
SIPHER: Timothy?
[A reference to "Timothy" by Rupert Holmes, about three men trapped in a
collapsed mine. When they're rescued, the titular character Timothy is
missing, neither survivor knows where he is... but they're not hungry
anymore. Holmes also wrote the Pina Colada Song, which is really weird if
you think about it.]
(The mine starts to collapse behind Mototron too)
MOTOTRON: Looks like I need REAL speed! OVERDRIVE!
(Transition of Buzzer-Bot transforming)
DOUG: No, that's Buzzer-Bot!
(Speed-Bot skids to a halt at a rail junction that forks off several
ways. There's a red flash)
PHIL: Agh, he exploded!
SPEED-BOT: Kid-Bot, Gas-bot! Where are you?
(The two mewl their incomprehensible cries)
SIPHER: Oh no, Frank Welker's trapped!
[Frank Welker, one of the kings of voice acting, is known for his non-human
sounds. Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot sound a lot like some of the characters he's
played.]
SPEED-BOT: Hang on, I'll save you!
(Transition of Strong-Bot transforming)
PHIL: By becoming Strong-Bot!
(Aero-Bot is still getting the tanker up the mountain)
DOUG: Check out Sisyphus-Bot here.
[In Greek mythology, Sisyphus betrayed the gods and chained Thanatos, the
god of death, so the deceased could not reach the underworld. Hades caught
Sisyphus and sentenced him to punishment: to roll a stone up a mountain. If
he could reach the top, he would be free. However, just as he would get
close, the stone would roll back down, forcing him to repeat this. This is
his eternal torture.]
(Beast-Bot attaches some pipes to others, which lets the oil pour
into the ship's hold. A truck drives up, honking.)
PHIL: I love Jesus!
["Honk If You Love Jesus!" bumper stickers. Phil was the perfect choice to
deliver this line, though perhaps Doug should've gotten it, just to balance
the whole "yarmulke" thing.]
DRIVER: Thanks, Go-Bots, you saved the day! My crew can fix the pipe
now!
SIPHER: And they can also put back the hundred thousand tons of crude oil
that escaped from the pipe.
STRONG-BOT: Our instruments show a big underground cave-in!
PHIL: As opposed to the open-air cave-ins you often get.
(Speed-Bot punches through a rock wall)
DOUG & PHIL: KOOL-AID MAN!
SIPHER: (Kool-Aid Man) OH YEAH!
[The old Kool-Aid commercials featured kids yelling for Kool-Aid Man, and
he'd burst through the wall yelling, "Oh, yeah!".]
SPEED-BOT: Am I glad you two are alright! (transforms) Hop in! We've
gotta move FAST!
(Mototron is still driving, outrunning the cave-in)
MOTOTRON: Got... to beat... Speed-Bot!
DOUG: Oh, man, he's Shatnering.
[William Shatner, Captain James T. Kirk, of "Star Trek" fame. Very...
interesting... diction.]
(Shot of the mine exit... and rocks tumble down. Mototron doesn't
come out.)
SIPHER: Oooo, denied.
(Mototron is trapped under a lot of rubble)
MOTOTRON: Uh-oh... now Speed-Bot will beat me for sure! CAN SOME BOT
HELP ME?
DOUG: (cheerfully) Remember kids, if you're bad, you will die cold and
alone!
(Speed-Bot exits from a mine shaft ABOVE the one Mototron tried to
exit from)
PHIL: I like how the shaft ABOVE the cave-in is still okay.
SPEED-BOT: Sounds like Mototron's in trouble!
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot exit Speed-Bot, then yibber and point)
SPEED-BOT: You're right! It does sound like it's coming from over
there! Hang on!
(Sped-Bot drives off without the two)
SIPHER: You two stay here on the unstable mountain!
(Speed-Bot drives to the entrance, where Mototron's front end is
sticking out under the rubble)
MOTOTRON: Tow me out, Speed-Bot!
SIPHER: (fake cough) COUGHGETBENT.
SPEED-BOT: See how dangerous it is to race around recklessly,
Mototron?
(Speed-Bot fires a tow-cable from his grill, which latches onto
Mototron's grill. Speed goes into reverse, pulling Mototron from the
rubble.)
DOUG: SHHHHRIP!
SIPHER: (agonized yell)
SPEED-BOT: Your power and speed could really help the Go-Bot team
protect people, Mototron, but you have to learn to control your
powers.
PHIL: I can't HELP being evil! I'm a black recolor of a hero toy!
[See Takara and their infinite black recolors of Transformers toys, which are
often evil clones... a practice that has sadly begun to find favor in the US
line as well.]
MOTOTRON: You ARE better, faster and stronger than me, Speed-Bot. But
I'm going back to Botropolis to train hard.
DOUG: IN PRISON.
AERO-BOT: And as for you two coming along without permission...
(Kid-Bot and Gas-Bot whine)
AERO-BOT: You're going to be polishing chrome at the Go-Pod until
it's so shiny it makes your squint!
PHIL: Oh GOD, I hope it's the chrome on Aero-Bot's body!
(All react with horror and disgust)
(The kids cheer, everyone laughs)
THEME SONG: GO-GO-GO-BOTS!
SIPHER: Go-Go-Goatse!
(More horror and disgust)
PHIL: NEVER AGAIN.
SIPHER: I'm very sorry.
[We are all sorry. Don't ask if you don't know. It no longer exists,
anyway.]
===========================================================================
BUMPER TWO : TOP TEN WORST IDEAS IN TWENTY YEARS OF TRANSFORMERS -- 10 - 6
Music - "I'm a Boinger" -- The Harry Pitts Band
===========================================================================
Top Ten Worst Ideas in Twenty Years
of Transformers
10) "Your power cells are dangerously low, Rhinox.
Better convert to beast mode and eat
something." -- Optimus Primal
9) "Make a break for cover, I'll try and unleash
the power of the Matrix." -- Ultra Magnus
8) "Whatever it stands for, I want that train --
understand?" -- RID Megatron
7) "Blurr, I'm sending you and Wheelie on the
most important mission of your lives."
-- Perceptor
6) "Hot Shot can take care of himself."
-- Scavenger
What comes next? What will be #1?
Will Prime die? What is the secret of the evil
planet Unicron?
[mstf]
[That last bit is an actual line from one of the later TV ads for
"Transformers: The Movie"movie, managing to audially and/or visually
spoil the two BIGGEST SURPRISES OF THE MOVIE. Astounding.]
OFFSTAGE: LIGHTS!
(Pause tape, house lights up)
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