MSTF 7: Generation Why?
The Annotated Script

Second Skit

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SKIT TWO : NOT A BOOKSHOP
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(Doug holds up a sign that says "A TRANSFORMERS STORE". He then picks up
a magazine and reads. Phil steps up as a customer.)

PHIL: So, this is a Transformers store.

SIPHER: Yes, we are devoted to Transformers merchandise of all sorts. Is
	there anything in particular you're looking for?

PHIL: Yes, I was wondering if you had a blue-sided Bluestreak.

SIPHER: Actually, sir, that doesn't exist, I'm afraid.

PHIL: It doesn't? It was in the catalog!

SIPHER: I'm afraid not. Nobody's ever been abe to produce a blue-sided
	Bluestreak in a sealed original box. The only time that mold was ever
	released in those colors appears to be in the Diaclone line predating
	Transformers.

PHIL: That's pretty stupid. Why is it always priced so high in guides?

SIPHER: An excellent question.

PHIL: Well, I'm also trying to find Unicron.

SIPHER: Armada or Energon?

PHIL: The old one.

SIPHER: Armada it is, then.

PHIL: No, not Armada anything. The one they made in the '80s that was like
	a big head with light-up eyes and you could put toys in the pink ooze
      like Unicron was dissolving them.

SIPHER: The pink ooze.

PHIL: Like Unicron was dissolving them.

SIPHER: Sir, where did you see this toy?

PHIL: In the store. When I was a kid.

SIPHER: What store?

PHIL: You know. A store. My friend told me about. Where he saw it.

SIPHER: There was no G1 Unicron head with ooze, sir.

PHIL: ... darn. Well, how about Headmaster Arcee?

SIPHER: There is no Headmaster Arcee.

PHIL: Oh, but there is. She was in "Rebirth" and Daniel forms her head.

SIPHER: Yes, but there was never a toy made.

PHIL: I saw pictures of a toy once.

SIPHER: There was a prototype but it wasn't a Headmaster.

PHIL: I think it only came out in Japan.

SIPHER: It didn't come out anywhere. Also, Arcee was never a Headmaster in Japan.

PHIL: The picture of the toy was from Japan.

SIPHER: The toy wasn't a Headmaster.

PHIL: Arcee was in the movie.

SIPHER: Yes, and?

PHIL: And she wasn't a Headmaster yet. So I don't want the Movie toy.

SIPHER: That's good, because they never made one.

PHIL: Actually, I'd like a copy of the Movie if you got it.

SIPHER: We have plenty of those.

PHIL: Cool, I'll take widescreen.

SIPHER: Uh, no, sorry, that doesn't exist either, I'm afraid.

PHIL: You sure? I remember it as clearly as I do Prime crumbling to dust
	when he died.

SIPHER: ...that didn't happen.

PHIL: ...really?

SIPHER: (mildly irked now) Really.

PHIL: Huh. Okay. Still, at least he didn't die like Sideswipe did.

SIPHER: (opens his mouth to say something, but pauses) Never mind.

PHIL: Sideswipe was my favorite.

SIPHER: There's a lot of that going around.

PHIL: Allrightythen. You have stuff like episode scripts?

SIPHER: ... yes. Yes, we do have some of those.

PHIL: How about Dark Glass from Beast Wars?

SIPHER: (visible tic) No, I'm sorry, but that, too, is nonexistant.

PHIL: You sure? I read about it on the web, and the guy had a big animated
	sig on the web-board, so I figured he knew what-

SIPHER: No, no, I'm TERRIBLY SORRY, but there is no Dark Glass script to be
	had.

PHIL: Well, do you have anything written by Furman?

SIPHER: (giving him a wary look) Why yes, we have quite a lot of things by
	Furman. If you'll come this way...

PHIL: Cool. Do you have "Autobot Vampire Madness"?

(Sipher stops cold and turns slowly)

SIPHER: I beg your pardon?

PHIL: "Autobot Vampire Madness".

SIPHER: ...I'm sorry, but Furman never wrote a story called "Autobot
	Vampire Madness".

PHIL: Oh, he did, I'm su- Ooooooooh!

SIPHER: Oooooooh?

PHIL: I get it! No, not SIMON Furman! I can see where you got confused. No,
	I mean TIM Phurmann, P-H-U-R-M-A-N-N!

SIPHER: TIM. PHURMANN.

PHIL: That's right. Very prolific writer.

SIPHER: No. No, we do not have anything by TIM PHURMANN.

PHIL: Really? You don't have "Operation Toast"?

SIPHER: Nnnnno...

PHIL: "Sparkplug Sorts His Sixty Socks"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Shadow the Sheepdog"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Across Five Recolors"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Dirge Bakes A Potroast"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Megatron's Silly Trigger"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: Do you have "Arcee and the Lickacons of Skids Row"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Unicron and the Death Star: High School Reunion"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "It's Over, Finnish!"

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: "Why Scattor Has No Friends"?

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: How about-

SIPHER: No.

PHIL: Huh?

SIPHER: Oh, I'm sorry. That was rude and presumptuous of me. Do go on.

PHIL: "Rumble Has Two Mommies"?

SIPHER: NO.

PHIL: Odd. You've got so many items here, I thought you'd have them.

SIPHER: Yes, well, some stuff is just... INCREDIBLY RARE, I guess.

PHIL: Oh well. How about copies of More Than Meets The Eye?

SIPHER: (pause) Cartoon... or comic series?

PHIL: The cartoon.

SIPHER: ...three episodes?

PHIL: Yes.

SIPHER: Not M-E-A-T-S? Two "e"s?

PHIL: That's right.

SIPHER: ...and those "e"s are in the middle of the word together, right?

PHIL: Yep.

SIPHER: ... E-Y-E?

PHIL: That's the one.

SIPHER: The first three episodes of the American Transformers cartoon
series produced by Sunbow Entertainment.

PHIL: Is there any other?

SIPHER: (Takes a very, very deep breath) Yes. We have tha-

PHIL: With Tommy Kennedy intros and endings.

(Sipher looks like his head is about to explode)

SIPHER: I... will... KILL...

(Doug tugs on Sipher's sleeve and whispers into his ear. Sipher's
rage vanishes instantly, repalced by the same cheeful demeanor from
the very beginning of the skit.)

SIPHER: Actually, we do have a copy of that!

PHIL: Oh, lovely, thank you!

SIPHER: In fact, we could put it up on the big screen for you now!

PHIL: (pleasant) Are you kidding?

SIPHER: Not at all!

PHIL: (Still smiling obliviously) Why the hell would I want that?

SIPHER: (Face becomes a hideous rictous of a smile) ... beg... pardon?

PHIL: I just wanted to see if you had it!

(Doug inches away. Several seconds pass. Sipher screams in incoherant
rage, grabs Phil, and yanks him under the table where sounds of
violence ensue. After a few seconds, Sipher's head pops up.)

SIPHER: ROLL THE DAMN TAPE!

OFFSTAGE: LIGHTS!

(House lights down, unpause tape)

[In another exceedingly Monty-Python-esque scene, we get to skewer a lot of
the more stupid beliefs held in the fandom.  Things like "There was a Blue
Bluestreak!" or "Prime crumbled to dust in the movie!" -- you know, the
claims people made without any sort of fact to prove them, and in fact,
their "proof" is usually no more than "a friend told me".  Graham Weaver,
one of the staff writers, included the part about Unicron with the ooze
because one of his friends told him about this non-existant toy while
growing up.  His friend swore it existed.  Uh-huh.  SURE it did, bucko.

Also, during chat sessions, Sipher encouraged Phil to ad-lib the book
titles, to which Phil responded, "We're screwed."  But he managed to
make Sipher and Doug to crack up.  Not all the titles in the script
were used, and two new ones were added:  "It Burns When I Get an Oil
Change", and "Optimus Hates You!".  Phil's especially proud of the
first one, as Sipher had to close his eyes and struggle to not just
lose all composure then and there.

A side-note... like the "Hasbro's New Designer" skit from 2003's MSTF 6,
one of the performers basically does nothing. It's a bit regrettable, but
with limited props and production stuff, not every premise works with a
three-member cast.]

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