Altered States Magazine - June 2002


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    The Haiku-ed Trannies Ballot
    Part IV: TransFormers: The Movie

    By Philip N. Zeman

    ======================================================================
    PART IV: TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE
    
    *** Best Character in the Movie
    ---QS:0401--Best-Character-in-the-Movie-------------------------------
    V1=Optimus Prime
    V2=Cyclonus
    V3=Wreck-Gar
    Hey, I'll give Wreck-Gar some props this year.
    
                            Wreck-Gar, made of junk,
                           Spouting TV all the time.
                            That it?  "Say no more!"
    ---QE:0401------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Best Movie Quote
    ---QS:0402--Best-Movie-Quote------------------------------------------
    Starscream: "Megatron?  Is that you?"
    Galvatron:  "Here's a hint!  *BLAM!*"
    
                          Starscream never learned.
                       Of course, he was in Beast Wars.
                           Didn't learn then, too.
    ---QE:0402------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Best Fight Scene in the Movie
    ---QS:0403--Best-Fight-Scene-in-the-Movie-----------------------------
    Optimus Prime vs. Megatron
    
                            "You've got the power!"
                     "One shall stand and one shall fall!"
                            No more lines to quote.
    ---QE:0403------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Funniest Scene in the Movie
    ---QS:0404--Funniest-Scene-in-the-Movie-------------------------------
    "Me Grimlock kick butt!"  *SLAM*  "... Me Grimlock need new strategy."
    
                            Still a shining moment.
                    It showed courage, strength, and will.
                            It didn't work.  Darn.
    ---QE:0404------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Best Song or Musical Score from the Movie Soundtrack
    ---QS:0405--Best-Song-or-Musical-Score-from-the-Movie-----------------
    V1=Escape
    V2=2005
    V3=Unicron's Theme
    
    Escape has my most favorite theme in the movie  See the haiku for the
    location.  2005 has great chord structure.  And Unicron's Theme
    captures the essence of the behemoth.
    
                              My favorite part?
                      Magnus says "... get out of here!"
                           Right then is the theme.
    ---QE:0405------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Character Who Shouldn't Have Died in the Movie, but Did
    ---QS:0406--Character-Who-Shouldn't-Have-Died,-but-Did----------------
    V1=Brawn
    V2=Prowl
    V3=Ironhide
    
    Notice how they're all Autobots?  Even though Brawn didn't truly die,
    as everyone should know.
    
                             Yell it from rooftops!
                       Shout it from the mountain peaks!
                            The Mighty Brawn Lives!
    ---QE:0406------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Character Who Should Have Died in the Movie, but Didn't
    ---QS:0407--Character-Who-Should-Have-Died,-but-Didn't----------------
    V1=Wheelie
    V2=
    V3=
    That's it.  I can't think of anyone who I wish would have died.
    
                               Wheelie is so bad.
                           He surpasses other chars.
                            Does this surprise you?
    ---QE:0407------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** Worst Song or Musical Score from the Movie Soundtrack
    ---QS:0408--Worst-Song-or-Musical-Score-from-the-Movie----------------
    V1=Hunger
    V2=Instruments of Destruction
    V3=Dare to be Stupid
    The Vocals, on the whole, were bad.  And "Dare to be Stupid", while a
    Weird Al song, just doesn't fit the scene.
    
                               Poor, poor NRG.
                          Sold so few CDs this year.
                               Poor, poor NRG.
    ---QE:0408------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** The Wheelie 'n Daniel Commemorative Award, for the one character
    (besides Wheelie or Daniel) who shouldn't have been in the movie
    ---QS:0409--Wheelie-n-Daniel-Commemorative-Award----------------------
    Hound.  He didn't do anything.  Did he even move?
    
                              Hound the green statue.
                           Motionless when others moved.
                              What the heck happened?
    ---QE:0409------------------------------------------------------------
    
    
    *** The Film Fromage Award, for the cheesiest/goofiest/dumbest quote
    from the movie
    ---QS:0410--Dumbest-Movie-Quote---------------------------------------
    SPRINGER:  But if you get spacesick, you're gonna *walk* home!
    
    Eh, this is as bad as any.
    
                            Like I've got the time
                      To read the whole, full transcript.
                             I must finish this!
    ---QE:0410------------------------------------------------------------
    

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      Copyright © 2002 Altered States Magazine
    A SkyJammer Enterprises Publication