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Your Future Nostalgia. Today. | ||
| www.asmzine.com / www.alteredstatesmag.com | |||
| February 9, 2012 |
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Invasion Iowa
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The episode starts off with Shatner and Scott, the assistant-to-the-assistant-to-Shatner (and known known as "Scotty") driving off to the Kwik 'N Ez, listening to a motivational tape that Steve (the guru) helped Shatner create. Soon, Scotty is chanting along with Shatner.
At the Kwik 'N Ez, we see more of Jim, the commercial guy, trying to get the plugs in. This new commercial is for Aqua Velva, which in fact, Mayor Bill Poch himself uses. So why not just slap some on his face, Jim? And why not slap some on everyone else?
If that wasn't insane enough, we get "Love Bombing", where each person says something nice about someone else, ending with an explosive declaration of "Love Bomb!"
Of course, there's an ulterior motive to being at the restaurant: Shatner wants to sell his SHATS there. (I still want some. Come on, Rhett, please?) After haggling over price and percentage, he decides to show his gratitude, as only a cheap actor can -- by paying for everyone's breakfast (about $3.20 total) with coffee club cards. When that doesn't work, he writes a check, which he says not to cash since it's worth more with his autograph on it.
Okay, the insanity quotient has been raised to a new level. Gotta love that.
Back in the car, on the way to the next shoot, Scotty and Bill chant that they are going to SMITE anyone who gets in their way! And of course, all this chanting makes Scott want to record his own. And give Herb a Love Bomb.
The first scene is the arrival of Gryffin (aka the Disintegratrix) at a gas station, with local actors playing Punks 1-4. And Gryffyn keeps blowing her lines, but as she's a rather attractive woman dressed in a very skin tight suit, the boys are more than willing to help her out. Although one of the Punks, a one Bill Blank, finds it very strange that Gryffyn is more nervous than he is. Hmmmm....
Of course, the D3 kills people by ripping hearts out. And when a heart gets ripped out, there has to be some sort of sound, the sound of... a pig squeal. As it happens, none of the punks can do a good enough squeal... but the mayor can! Get in there for a voice cameo, Mr. Mayor! And then roll cameras and show the fake heart in fake blood and -- oh, crap, there goes Shatner, down on his knees at the sight of blood.
But the locals still take it all in stride.
That shoot apparently took up most of the day, as we now see Scotty and Shatner driving over to Murphy's Bar & Grill (still chanting!) for the evening video watch. At the grill, we see Tiny asking Scotty for advice on how to hit on Gryffyn. Of course, Shatner warned Scotty that such a thing might happen, and as the Uncle, he's Not Happy about it. So it's up to Scotty to defuse any such situation. Tiny ignores the warnings, and pleads to just not tell Uncle Bill.
And now We've Got Movie Sign!
Wait, sorry, wrong show.
It's time for watching the day's shots. There's the the D3 crashing to Earth. There's the D3 walking across the street (checking both ways for traffic)... and there's her lines horribly dubbed over her flubs. Hee hee hee. And there's the fake heart and the pig squeal and the rest of the punks running in terror.
And the locals are loving every minute of it.
Except Bill Blank. He's starting to wonder if there's something else going on here. Like, is this a reality show?
Uh-oh. He's suspecting things, and the last thing the producers want is him to tip off the other unsuspecting people. So Rhett Reese, the producer of the reality show, decides it's time to get rid of Mr. BLank.
He has him killed.
Cue the "Bill Blank - 1980-2004" graphic.
Annnnnd... commercial!
No, seriously, Mr. Blank's been told that he's no longer needed for shoots, so hopefully he can't wreck the real project.
Back at the Kwik 'N Ez, Shatner warns the workers that the lovely Gryffyn has a problem. She's a, well, she's a bit of a kleptomaniac. Rather than preventing her from stealing, Shatner tells the clerks that he'll cover the costs of whatever she takes. Don't call the cops on her, just let me pay for it. So there Gryffyn is, taking stuff, sticking it in her purse, walks out the door -- no one says a thing.
This is insane! And it just keeps going.
Oh, wait, who's that coming to the set? Why it's Max (played by Garz Chan), the studio executive. She's... not a happy person. In fact, she's a bit of a b**ch. She's going to find problems with everything. Starting with the smell. Scotty realizes it's part of his job to defuse the situation, but it's tough work arguing when you can clearly smell the animals and dung everywhere.
Oh, and Max likes things clean. Really clean. (See the disinfectant spray and hand sanitizer.)
Back to the movie... interrupted by roosters and airplanes. (Shatner: "Why would an airplane come over the middle of Iowa?" Brooke: "We have airports here...."). And poor Shatner; he can't seem to say "Disintegratrix" either. (And he supposedly wrote the thing!) Bloopers abound, Max getting madder, and the townspeople realizing how much of a jerk Max can be. But she's a jerk with the power to shut down the entire film.
Oh, the power Max holds. Shatner knows it. And the local folks know it.
While the movie shoots continue, Tiny and Griffyn decide to get some sun at the ballpark. But Tiny needs to stay on the set, so it's up to Scotty to retrieve him. Wow, is he mad when he finds the body-double, and it makes for a tense drive back to the set.
After lunch, the cast and crew gather for a converence call with Sean Connery. Well, it's really voice actor Tom Kane, but the locals buy it hook, line and sinker. After some introductions, Tiny makes the mistake of mentioning "Braveheart". Sean's conversation was rated "R" before, but now it's even more profanity-laced. Things settle down, Sean makes a few more demands (for a Supreme Trailer and to only be called "Sir Sean"), and Mr. "Connery" hangs up.
Gathering again at Murphy's that night, Shatner finds out the SHATS are selling out. And then it's again time for more screening of the movie, featuring scenes between Shatner's character Shane and Brooke's character Linda. And more bad dubbing.
Apparently, Linda is the key to the Girclons' plan. They mean to steal her and impregnate her. So what can Shane do about it? Well, if he impregnates her, then the aliens can't. Shane refuses; he's a wanderer and can't stay in Iowa, for he'd always yearn for his time (oh, did we mention he's a time traveller?). Linda decides to run away, but Shane says it's too dangerous, and that's when Ma and Pa come running up with a shotgun. Shane runs away, Linda bursts into tears, and Ma and Pa -- kiss? Well, that seems odd.
Heck, even Wayne ("Pa") doesn't think it fit. But hey, it's Shatner's movie.
The episode ends on Brooke, who is absolutely having the time of her life.
So, that's episode 2. Wow. You know how I had some reservations about Episode 1 not being quite funny enough? Well, man, this episode fixed that up in a hurry. There are moments of pure comedy genius in here, most notably the motivational tape. I mean, it's so over-the-top... and yet Scotty gets into it and wants one of his own.
What I also liked is we saw more of the true behind-the-scenes from the production area with Rhett. That's something I grew to love in both seasons of Joe Schmo; it's nice to see the other people involved in the prank and a glimpse of just what it takes to pull a hoax of this magnitude off.
And the winks to the viewer are back! The funny captions, the "Death of Bill" graphic. It's the things like this that the producers throw in to keep things light-hearted.
Because to be honest, there is some uneasiness about a show like this. You want it to be funny -- but there are real people and real emotions involved. I felt kind of bad that Brooke, Wayne, Leanne and the others felt like they were actually speaking to Sean Connery. Diana, the cue card lady, said it was a thrill in itself.
I'll get over it, but still, it makes you realize that this could turn out very badly for a lot of people.
But man, did they kick the insanity up several notches this episode. The tape, Love Bombs, the pig squeal -- and just the whole ludicrous nature of the "Hollywood quirks".
Kudos, guys. See you tomorrow for Episode 3.
You can catch Invasion Iowa every night this week at 9pm ET/PT.
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